Dead Meme Chronicles
by SnoWhyte
Summary: gary loves seymour
1. Chapter One

It was mid-day. Gary Chalmers rang the doorbell of Agnes Skinner's house. The balding superintendent of Springfield Elementary checked his watch. He was holding a bottle of wine in one arm. Finally, a middle aged man with grey-brown hair opened the door. It was Seymour Skinner, Principal of Springfield Elementary. He was wearing a blue suit and an orange tie. Chalmers spoke.

"Well, Seymour, I made it, despite your directions."

"Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome," Skinner responded. "I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!" Chalmers replied with a "yeah" and took a seat, placing the bottle of wine in a bucket on the table. Skinner went into the kitchen to check on his roast that he had been cooking for the special occasion. To his horror, smoke was coming out of the oven. Seymour let out a gasp and rushed to the oven, opening it; inside was his roast on fire. He closed the oven and started to talk to himself. "Oh, egads! My roast is ruined! But, what if..." Skinner started to think. "I were to purchase fast food as disguise it as my own cooking? Ho ho ho, delightfully devilish, Seymour!" Skinner took off the apron he was wearing and opened the kitchen window. Just as he was beginning to climb out, Chalmers opened the door and yelled out Skinner's name. Skinner panicked, but did his best to retain his composure.

"Superintendent! I was just- stretching my calves on the window sill! Isometric exercise! Care to join me?" Much to Seymour's surprise, Chalmers replied positively.

"Why, yes, Seymour. I would love to join you. Besides, I was getting out of shape anyways." Skinner looked confused, but went with it. The two stretched their calves on the window sill for some time. Chalmers stopped, sweaty. Seymour blushed at the sight of this and turned his face away, not wanting his boss to see his face pink. "D-do you need a break, Superintendent Chalmers?" he stammered. Gary nodded and walked back into the dining room. Noticing that his oven was now on fire, Seymour did everything he could to put it out, but to no avail. He joined Gary in the dining room.

"Well, Superintendent, I think that's enough exercise for now and- damn! I forgot all about our luncheon." Seymour said. Gary spoke.

"That's not why I came here, Seymour."

"It isn't? Then why did you come?"

"I came here because of you." Seymour blushed again, and this time, Gary saw it. "You really like me that much, Superintendent?" Seymour asked. Gary nodded.

"I'd hate to admit it, but I've always secretly respected you, Seymour. Maybe even liked you. I wanted to get to know you outside of our jobs."

"Well, I'm... flattered, Superintendent Chalmers."

"Please, Seymour. Call me Gary." Seymour nodded, still blushing.

"But may I ask why you keep blushing at me? You wouldn't happen to harbor any feelings for me, would you, Seymour?"

"N-not at all, Su- I mean, Gary." Gary could see right through Seymour's lie.

"I find that hard to believe." Seymour cracked like an egg.

"Yes, Gary. I am... in love with you. I have been for years. I didn't want to admit it, because I was afraid you'd fire me," Seymour let out a sigh. "But I guess none of it matters, now." Seymour waited for Gary to fire him. Instead, Gary locked his lips with Seymour's and they shared a passionate kiss. Seymour had never kissed a man before, and it felt exciting. The two men made out with each other for minutes before Gary started to get a whiff of the smoke coming out of the kitchen. Gary stopped.

"That's funny, I smell something burning."

"It's nothing, I assure you." But Gary did not listen to Seymour, and he opened the door to the kitchen. By this point, almost the entire kitchen was ablaze. Gary's eyes widened, mouth agape.

"Good Lord! Seymour, your kitchen is on fire! Call the fire department!"

"No, Gary, it's just the northern lights."

"Don't play stupid with me, Seymour! Your kitchen is clearly on fire! Now get on the phone, or _you're_ fired!" Seymour nodded and darted towards the nearest phone, calling the fire department. Gary ran out of the kitchen. Moments later, firemen arrived extinguishing the flames. Seymour broke down crying.

"Oh my God! The kitchen! My roast! I've ruined everything! And mother is going to kill me when she finds the kitchen like this." Gary took pity on Seymour and tried to comfort him.

"I'll help pay for the damages." Seymour wiped the tears from his eyes. "Okay... but my roast was doing so well."

"We can get another roast, Seymour. A better roast than before."

"But it's almost nighttime."

"Then we'll have a roast for dinner."

Seymour sighed. "Okay... Gary, I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable dinner!"


	2. Chapter Two: Steam My Hams

Seymour and Gary went to the store and bought a delicious new roast. This time, dinner was taking place at Gary's house, as Agnes Skinner's oven was destroyed in the fire. Gary helped Seymour cook the roast, so as not to cause another accident. While the roast was in the oven, Seymour lit some candles on the table to enhance the romantic mood. Finally, dinner was ready. Gary and Seymour ate the roast by candlelight.

"How romantic. Candles," Gary said. Seymour blushed and nodded. "I'm glad you like them, Gary. I thought they would help." Seymour took a sip from his glass of wine.

"You know, Seymour, you never struck me as gay." Seymour nearly spit out his drink. However, he swallowed and responded to Gary. "Oh, you know I'm not gay. I was in love with Edna... until she left me."

"I always thought you deserved better than her," Gary said. Seymour blushed and let out a chuckle. "Like yourself, Gary?" The superintendent nodded. The two men finished dinner and got up. Seymour had a troubled look on his face. "What is it?" Gary asked. Skinner sighed.

"What will Mother say when she finds out I'm in love with you? She'd kick me out of the house," he said. Gary put a hand on Seymour's shoulder reassuringly. "If that ever happens, I'll be there for you," Gary replied. Seymour smiled, touched by his boss's words. He put on his coat and headed for the door, when Gary spoke.

"Don't you want to stay for 'dessert', Seymour?" Seymour blushed.

"It's getting very late, Gary, and Mother will be... oh, what the heck. I can stay for a bit longer." Chalmers smirked, and the two men headed upstairs, into Gary's bedroom. They took off their clothes, and Gary proceeded to steam Seymour's hams. After an hour of good fun, Seymour got out of the king-sized bed and got dressed. "Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all I'm pooped, but I best be on my way." He kissed Gary's cheek and said goodbye, heading downstairs and opening the door. As he drove home Seymour noticed that... something was on his face, and quickly wiped it off. He couldn't let Agnes know what he and Gary did that night.

Seymour parked the car and headed inside his mother's house. Agnes was in front of him, a look of anger on her wrinkled face.

"Seymour! What took you so damn long? It's been two hours!" Agnes yelled. Seymour rubbed the back of his head, thinking of an excuse.

"Well, Mother, we had a lot of trouble finding the right roast, then we got stuck in traffic..."

"Like hell you got stuck in traffic! I was worried sick about you! Now go to your room!"

Seymour sighed. "Yes, Mother," he said as he headed towards his bedroom.


	3. Chapter Three

Seymour woke up that morning with a severe headache. He grabbed his head, walking downstairs for breakfast. Despite his headache, he went to work as usual. Two weeks later, Seymour again woke up with a pain. But this time, it wasn't a headache. It was morning sickness. Seymour rushed to the bathroom, vomiting in the toilet. He stopped and flushed, brushing his teeth thoroughly. Seymour decided that he could not go to work today. He called up Gary.

"Gary, I'm sick. I can't go to work today."

"But you're the only principal we have."

"You'll just have to find someone else. I feel terrible."

Gary sighed. "Very well." He hung up his cell phone. Seymour felt very tired and headed back to bed. He slept for a few hours before waking up again. Suddenly, Seymour started to have cravings. He ate waffles with whipped cream and bananas. After he finished eating, Seymour began to wonder...

"Why was I sick this morning? And why do I feel so tired? And why am I having... oh egads! No, this is impossible. I can't possibly be-"

"-pregnant."

"I don't understand, Dr. Hibbert. Isn't this biologically impossible?"

Dr. Hibbert nodded.

"Then how is this happening?"

The doctor shrugged. Seymour sighed.

"Well, when am I due?"

"I'd assume in 9 months, like any female pregnancy."

"Okay... only 9 months. Only 9 months..."

"Can you please leave now, Mr. Skinner?"

"Oh! Of course. My apologies." Seymour left the hospital. He drove back to his mother's house. Seymour had no idea how he was going to explain this to her... or Gary. He went inside. Agnes was sitting in the living room. Seymour walked to his mother.

"Mother, I have to tell you something. Something... very important."

Agnes sighed. "What now, Seymour?"

"Well... you won't believe this, but I'm..." Seymour took a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant."

Agnes placed a palm on her face. "Now Spanky, what did I tell you? Girls have babies, not boys. You should know that by now."

"But Mother, the doctor said I was pregnant. I have all of the symptoms. Morning sickness, fatigue, cravings..."

"Oh my God! You're right! But... how?"

"Well, not even the doctor knew. Didn't you always want a grandchild though, Mother?"

"Not like this!"

Seymour sighed. Nine months passed, and Seymour was ready to give birth at any moment. He had told Gary, and Gary was equally as shocked. Despite that, Chalmers was excited to be a father again. He already had a teenage daughter named Shauna with his deceased wife. That night, Seymour was rushed to the hospital; he was giving birth! Hours passed, and finally, Seymour gave birth to a baby girl. Her umbilical cord was cut, and they cleaned her up. Seymour got a better look a his daughter; she resembled him the most, but she had Gary's ear shape and hair type. Her hair was chocolate brown like Seymour's once was, but had Gary's wavy hair. The baby girl was unusually quiet and was asleep. Seymour held her close, still in pain. Suddenly, Agnes and Gary entered the room. Skinner smiled.

"She looks just like you, Seymour," Gary said. "What's her name?"

"I haven't decided, yet. I was hoping you'd help me choose."

"How about Emma?" Gary suggested.

"Emma Chalmers. I like it, Gary," Seymour replied.

The next day, Seymour left the hospital with Emma. They went to Seymour's mother's house; they were staying there, for now. Seymour put his daughter in her crib, which was once his. He yawned and headed to bed.


End file.
